Katrina Halili

"It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 seconds to ruin it"

I’ve been following the news for the past few days and all I can hear is Katrina Halili’s name. If I am not mistaken, she’s the most famous celebrity now here in the Philippines, even more popular than Marian Rivera and KC Concepcion. I heard the issue few months back and we all know that Katrina admitted that she have had an affair with Hayden Kho who was also known as Dr. Vicki Belo’s boyfriend. And now this issue is on fire again after their video was uploaded in YouTube. The issue even reached the Senate. That's how big it is.

I’ve seen the video myself and I can say that it’s unfair to Katrina. In the video, where Katrina was dancing and Hayden was singing, there was this part where Katrina wiped Hayden’s face and his sweaty chest. That scene caught my attention. It created an impression on me that she really fell in love with the guy. For me, that very simple act shows love. It’s what they say, “with love.” Too bad that she fell in love with the wrong guy and too bad Hayden failed to notice that he was loved. She loved him but he used her.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, but all I can say is I still respect Katrina after all the things which happened to her. I liked her even more because she showed us all that eventhough she’s Katrina Halili, she’s still human; vulnerable to commit mistakes and can stumble down once in a while. She’s brave enough to accept that she was wrong and also brave enough to accept the consequences of her actions.

We are all human beings. We may differ in some ways but still we are all the same. For me, it is not bad to commit mistakes as long as you learned from those mistakes. Katrina committed a mistake and she learned from it. I, you, we, anybody...we don't have any right to judge Katrina nor Hayden (though he's really ughh!!) We don't have any right to judge anybody, only God can judge us. Let's act as matured individuals. Before we judge other people, reflect first. Nobody's perfect.

"I shall answer for my sins to God, not to small men like you!"

-Leonor, Recuerdo

Thanatopsis- a view of death

All I can hear at this moment is the monotonous sound of tumble bugs and mercenaries 2…

I want to scream, I want to inflict harm, I want to release this tension inside me, I want to torture someone, I want to cut myself, I want to kick someone, I want to stab someone, I want to kill, I want to blow someone’s head. What happened to me? What is this feeling? They said I’m still in the state of shock. They also said that I’m experiencing a trauma. But I know deep inside, I am ok. The only problem is, that horrible memory is trapped inside my system.

I was standing there, I was just standing there, doing nothing. I know it’s not my fault but a part of me still blames myself for just standing there. I mastered CQC for 3 years. I punched half a dozen men in the past, 3 of them went home with a broken nose. I slapped 2 girls before, I scratched my best friend’s face in the past leaving a permanent mark on it, I paddled a guy before, I was the youngest and the only girl member of bikers society and I was even the leader of Wheelers before. But, I just stood there.

I let him slap my mom THREE TIMES, I let him draw his knife and point it to her. I was standing there, like a stupid dummy while he was trying to kill her.

What happened to me?

I am ashamed of myself. I don’t deserve respect from my gang mates. I don’t deserve the title “ASTIG”, “Gabriela Silang” and “SIGA” and I don’t deserve respect from society.

I am a coward…

I am nothing…

I am just a piece of shit…

I am a trash…

I won’t forget that face. I have this vivid memory of his face in my mind. A guy wearing an orange shirt, I never really like orange, actually I hate orange, I despise orange.

I love knives, I want to collect knives and swords. But after that incident, I don’t want to see knives anymore.

If they catch him, I think 10 thousand is enough for him. That’s the good side of corruption.
I will tie him up, and I will cut his skin with a blade and then I’ll pour alcohol. Then I’ll put iodized salt on his wounds. I want to hear him scream. I want to beat him, I want to kill him slowly.

But I can’t…

Even though he’s a thief, he is still God’s son…

Revenge is not the answer…

I know, God is not blind, GOD is not blind, God is not Blind, GOD IS NOT BLIND, GOD IS NOT BLIND…

Sender: Clasmate
Message Center: +639170000240
Received: 11:40:38 pm, 17-04-09
“Clasmate d n k nag pa alam s u ,
daanan k pa anak k kulit kc. Congratulations!”

I was so happy when I saw you, did you know that?

I was flying when you talked to me, did you notice that?

I was shaking when I touched you, did you feel that?

Maybe not, because I’m not special to you, I am just an acquaintance, your friend’s daughter. I am the only one who believes in the illusion that we could be together someday, and be happy even if you’re married and even if I’m way younger than you are. I fell in love with you almost two years ago, I fell in love with you even though I know you are married. And that’s my fault, I can’t blame you for hurting my feelings because you don’t even know that I am in love with you and I can’t also blame you for being so beautiful.


Sometimes I think that I’m crazy. I am highly imaginative, I sometimes imagine that we are walking in a mall or in a beach, sometimes I imagine us laughing and spending time with each other in our secret love nest. I am highly imaginative because I am a writer, and I hate that at this point.


During the party, I was staring at you, watching your every move, and I told myself that you are really beautiful and that your husband is so lucky to have you as his wife. And then suddenly, you took your phone from your bag and you started texting, then you checked the time and you texted again. I was in tears at that time.


“Putang ina sana ako na lang ang asawa mo” I told myself

“Sana ako ang katext mo ngayon at ako rin sana ang naghihintay sayo sa bahay.”

I am not your special someone and I will never be. I am not the father of your children. I am not the person who sleeps beside at you at night and stare at you while you’re sleeping. I am not the one who shares household expenses with you. I am not the one who listens to you and hug you when you cry. I’m not him.

Is there a possibility that you’d fall for me? The answer is no and that’s the bitter reality of life. You are 33 years older than me and you are married. You are almost done with your life and I’m just starting mine. You are already a mother and I’m not yet a lady.

Maybe in my next life, sana pwede na tayo...

Sender: Clasmate

Message Center: +639170000240
Received: 11:40:38 pm, 17-04-09
“Clasmate d n k nag pa alam s u ,
daanan k pa anak k kulit kc. Congratulations!”

I was so happy when I saw you, did you know that?

I was flying when you talked to me, did you notice that?

I was shaking when I touched you, did you feel that?

Maybe not, because I’m not special to you, I am just an acquaintance, your friend’s daughter. I am the only one who believes in the illusion that we could be together someday, and be happy even if you’re married and even if I’m way younger than you are. I fell in love with you almost two years ago, I fell in love with you even though I know you are married. And that’s my fault, I can’t blame you for hurting my feelings because you don’t even know that I am in love with you and I can’t also blame you for being so beautiful.


Sometimes I think that I’m crazy. I am highly imaginative, I sometimes imagine that we are walking in a mall or in a beach, sometimes I imagine us laughing and spending time with each other in our secret love nest. I am highly imaginative because I am a writer, and I hate that at this point.


During the party, I was staring at you, watching your every move, and I told myself that you are really beautiful and that your husband is so lucky to have you as his wife. And then suddenly, you took your phone from your bag and you started texting, then you checked the time and you texted again. I was in tears at that time.


“Putang ina sana ako na lang ang asawa mo” I told myself

“Sana ako ang katext mo ngayon at ako rin sana ang naghihintay sayo sa bahay.”

I am not your special someone and I will never be. I am not the father of your children. I am not the person who sleeps beside at you at night and stare at you while you’re sleeping. I am not the one who shares household expenses with you. I am not the one who listens to you and hug you when you cry. I’m not him.

Is there a possibility that you’d fall for me? The answer is no and that’s the bitter reality of life. You are 33 years older than me and you are married. You are almost done with your life and I’m just starting mine. You are already a mother and I’m not yet a lady.

Maybe in my next life, sana pwede na tayo...

pURPLe RosE

Daddy: Uy! Padating na daw si Ma’am!

Cielo: Talaga!? ako na lang dito, ako magbabantay dito papasulatin ko siya tas lalagyan ko ng pin, hehe...Hay nako ang tagal naman nun kanina pako naghihintay sa kanya ah, pinaghihintay niya ang beauty ko, hahaha...

..after 30 seconds...

Daddy: AYAN NA SIYA!!!!!!!!!! (aligaga)

Cielo: (Muntik ng mahimatay) Daddy magtatago ako.

Daddy: Bakit ka magtatago?

Cielo: Nahihiya ako, nahihiya ako sa kanya, ayokong lumapit.

Daddy: Halika na! ang torpe mo naman!

Cielo: Eh...Nahihiya ako. (Nagbublush ang puta)

...Binuksan ni Marissa Santos (Daddy) ang pintuan ng Blue van na may sticker ng Philippine National Red Cross Manila Chapter sa tagiliran, at biglang bumaba ang chapter administrator ng Manila Chapter na si Crisanta “Baby” Cayetano...

Marla: Hi! Kamusta na!

Daddy: Ok lang ma’am, register po muna kayo (tinuro ang black guest book na hawak ni Cielo)

Marla: ay magreregister pa, sige.

Cielo: (Hindi mapakali, Binuhat si guest book at inilapit sa crush na si Baby Cayetano a.k.a Marla Mailey)

...Nakangiti lang si Mars kay Cielo habang si Cielo at hindi na makahinga at mahihimatay na...

Daddy: Ay ma’am, anak po ni Ma’am Dhel, si Cielo.

Marla: Hi! Mas malaki ito kay Dhel (tumingin kay Cielo at ngumiti sabay sulat ulit.)

Daddy: Magvovolunteer po yan sa RCY niyo ma’am, RCY Manila kasi sa Manila Times po siya nag-aaral.

Marla: (Napatingin kay Cielo) Ay siya ba?? Muka namang “GIRL”ah! ( Nakangiti kay Cielo)

Daddy: (Tumingin kay Cielo na naninigas sa harap ni Marla)

Cielo: (thoughts) Hala! Sira ulo talaga tong si mama binebenta ako.

Cielo: (after 10 years) Ay ma’am! Pin po!

...Nanginginig na kinuha ni Cielo ang pin na dalawang oras ng nasa bulsa niya. Ipinasok niya ang dalawang kaliwang daliri blouse ni Marla. At halos one minute niyang nilagay ang pin sa damit ni Marla dahil nanginginig ang kamay niya. Nagsasalita naman si Marla habang nilalagay niya ang pin...

Marla: (Nakangiti parin, at kinausap si Cielo) Bakit ang kwento ng mommy hindi ka raw “GIRL” ?

(Ngumiti si Marla ng nakakaloko kay Cielo)
Cielo: (Nagulat at natawa kay Marla)

...At umakyat na si Marla dahil nakita niya ang circle of friends niya sa loob ng bagong building ng Pasay Chapter...

...Si Cielo ay nagtititili na pumunta sa bahay dahil sa sobrang kilig at dahil namanyak niya si Marla sa paglalagay ng pin sa left chest nito...

...Parang tulig na stalker si Cielo dahil sinusundan niya si Marla. Nakita niyang kumuha ito ng konting rice, pasta, roast beef , fish fillet at garlic beef tapos pumunta sa table kung asan si Ms. Ana at Ms. Emi.

...Buong party, nakatingin lang si Cielo sa kanya...

RLN: (Si Angel ay kasama ni Marla, siya ang nagsabi noon na maganda daw si Cielo) Saan ang CR niyo?

Cielo: Sa baba po,samahan ko na po kayo

RLN: Naku wag na alam kong busy ka...ang ganda naman ng rose mo.

Cielo: Hehe

Cielo: (thoughts) busy po sa pagtingin sa boss niyo, maganda ba to? Magustuhan kaya ng boss niyo?

...umakayat si Cielo at nakita niyang nagbababye na si Marla sa circle of friends niya. Tumakbo siya pababa at hinanap si kuya pjay..

Cielo: Kuya Pjay pababa na siya! Kunan mo kami ng pic!

Kuya Pjay: Sino??

Cielo: Yung crush ko!

Kuya Pjay: Sinong crush?

Cielo: Si Baby Cayetano!

Kuya Pjay: Ahh...sige ba.

...Tumakbo ulit si Cielo papasok sa loob . Tumayo sa may hagdan, nakikinig siya kung may pababa sa hagdan at nakarinig siya ng mabagal at malalakas na foot steps...tumakbo ulit siya palabas at nagtititili...tapos ay nagrelax siya, para hindi siya halatang kinikilig...

...babalik sana siya sa loob ng makitang andyan na si Marla...

Marla: (Nakakita ng circle of friends na padating. Nilagay ang dalawang kamay sa bewang) Hoy! (hitsurang nanay na nagagalit) Bakit ngayon lang kayo? Pauwi nako!

...Lumapit si friend sa kanya at nagbeso sila, chika ng konti...

Kuya Pjay: Ma’am alis na po kayo?

Marla: Oo, salamat ha!

Kuya Pjay: Sandali ma’am picture po muna.

Marla: Sige

Kuya Pjay: Cie...Sama ka!

Marla: Oh si Cielo...halika!

Cielo: Sige lang! (Kunyari ayaw niya)

Kuya Pjay: Sige na sama ka na!

Cielo: (Lumapit kay Marla)

Marla: Anak to ni Dhel eh (Kausap si RLN)

...at nagsimula ang photo session, umakbay si Marla kay Cielo at si Cielo ay walang habas na inilagay ang kamay niya sa bewang ni Marla...

Cielo: (thoughts) Ang lambot! Tita pwedeng pa-hug?

Kuya Pjay: Ay ma’am isa pa po!

Marla: Ay pangit? Sige

...Naisip ni Cielo na sana naging pictorial na lang ang araw na iyon at hindi sila magpapalit ng pwesto, para nakahawak lang siya sa bewang ni Marla...

Kuya Pjay: Ok na po ma’am!

Marla: Sige ha, alis na kami

Cielo: Sige po Ma’am! Ingat po!

Marla: Thank you!

...Naiwan si Cielo na nakatingin sa crush na ubod ng ganda. Si Marla naman ay kausap ang circle of friends na dumating...

Ace: Hoy! Yung rose! Akala ko ibibigay mo?

Cielo: Ay! Oo nga!

Ace: Habulin mo! Bigay mo!

Cielo: Nahihiya ako! Kuya Bry, pakibigay naman to kay Baby Cayetano.

Bryan: Asan?

Cielo: Iyan, yang may yellow na bag, gold ata yan, hindi yellow nga

Bryan: Yan?

Cielo: Oo! Yan, dali habulin mo paalis na siya.

...Tumakbo si Bryan at iniabot ang purple rose kay Marla...

Bryan: ay ma’am, rose po.

Marla: ay,thank you!

...Napangiti si Cielo at kinilig

Bryan: Thank you daw!

Cielo: Thank you din kuya bry, mahal na kita!

...Natapos ang araw na nakangiti si Cielo ngunit bago siya matulog ay may naalala siya...

Cielo: Ay putang ina!

Mac: Bakit na naman te?

Cielo: NAKALIMUTAN KONG MAGBESO KAY MARLA!

Mac: Yun ang matindi dun, tapos ka dyan te, ahaha hindi nakabeso!

Cielo: He! Putang ina, bakit yun pa ang nakalimutan ko!

Mac: Hehehehe BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME te! ahahaha

KAMBAL

Natatakot ako..

Bakit naman???


Kasi unti- unti na siyang nabubuhay...


Akala ko ba pinatay mo na siya? Akala ko nailibing na siya?


Alam mo naman na hindi ko siya pwedeng ilibing at patayin diba? pinag-pahinga ko lang siya.


Wag kang matakot alam mo na naman ang gagawin kung sakaling magisisng siya diba?


Alam ko pa nga ba???


Ewan ko sayo


Basta, hanggang kaya kong pigilan ang pagisisng niya, pipigilan ko.


Eh paano kung hindi mo mapigilan?


Marami na namang iiyak, marami na namang masasaktan, marami na namang mamamatay.


Paano ka na pag nagising siya?


Nakakulong na naman ako sa loob ng katawang ito habang siya masayang nangugulo.


Kawawa ka naman. sayang hindi mo na mababago ang tadhana. kakambal mo siya.


Oo. Naalala ko pa, dati hindi naman siya ganyan. Parehas lang kami. pero masyadong maraming nanakit sa kanya kaya naging halimaw siya.


Mabait siya, pero nabulak na siya ng hinanakit at sama ng loob


Hindi ko naman mapipigil iyon eh.


Malapit na ba talaga???


Oo, nararamdaman ko na. malapit na malapit na siyang magising.


makikita pa ba kita pagkatapos????


Hindi ko alam, bahala na.

Talo-talo na

Ang mga taong kung umasta ay parang walang pinag-aralan!
Ang mga taong Bastos sa Kapwa!
Ang mga taong hanep kung mamintas pero hindi muna nanalamin!
ANg mga taong walang ibang alam kundi pag-usapan ang iba at ang mali ng iba!
Ang mga taong BITTER sa iba!
ANg mga taong hindi ata pinalaki ng tama at hindi ata tinuruan ng mabuting asal!

BAKIT HINDI NA LANG KAYO MAMATAY NO???

Sige sabihin na nating hindi ako perpekto at tarantado din ako minsan, pero hindi naman ako kasing lala ng iba.

I'd rather have few friends na alam kong may utak at matured enough to accept na hindi lahat ng bagay ay perfect dito sa mundo. I would rather have a friend na hindi naniniwala sa Diyos pero marunong rumespeto ng kapwa tao. Hindi na baleng ang kaibigan ko ay very frank kesa naman sa plastik. Bilang ko lang sa daliri ang mga kaibigan ko, at sinasabi ko sa inyo pag hinarap ko sila sa inyo, lahat yun totoong tao.

----ANG GUSTONG PUMALAG SA BLOG ENTRY NA ITO AY PWEDENG LUMAPIT SAKIN O KAYA ITEXT AKO---PERO TANDAAN NYO..

HINDI AKO ANG TAONG PALASALITA, PERO PAG NAGSALITA AKO HINDI NY KAYANG LULUNIN.
ANG DILA KO'Y ISANG MATALAS NA PATALIM NA KAPG TUMAMA, TAGUSAN HANGGANG BUTO.

LAPITAN NYO LANG AKO AND I'LL SHOW YOU A DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME. ISANG PART NA HINDI MO NANAISING MAKITA.

HINDI AKO NANAKOT, SINASABI KO LANG ANG KAYA KONG GAWIN