Katrina Halili

"It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 5 seconds to ruin it"

I’ve been following the news for the past few days and all I can hear is Katrina Halili’s name. If I am not mistaken, she’s the most famous celebrity now here in the Philippines, even more popular than Marian Rivera and KC Concepcion. I heard the issue few months back and we all know that Katrina admitted that she have had an affair with Hayden Kho who was also known as Dr. Vicki Belo’s boyfriend. And now this issue is on fire again after their video was uploaded in YouTube. The issue even reached the Senate. That's how big it is.

I’ve seen the video myself and I can say that it’s unfair to Katrina. In the video, where Katrina was dancing and Hayden was singing, there was this part where Katrina wiped Hayden’s face and his sweaty chest. That scene caught my attention. It created an impression on me that she really fell in love with the guy. For me, that very simple act shows love. It’s what they say, “with love.” Too bad that she fell in love with the wrong guy and too bad Hayden failed to notice that he was loved. She loved him but he used her.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, but all I can say is I still respect Katrina after all the things which happened to her. I liked her even more because she showed us all that eventhough she’s Katrina Halili, she’s still human; vulnerable to commit mistakes and can stumble down once in a while. She’s brave enough to accept that she was wrong and also brave enough to accept the consequences of her actions.

We are all human beings. We may differ in some ways but still we are all the same. For me, it is not bad to commit mistakes as long as you learned from those mistakes. Katrina committed a mistake and she learned from it. I, you, we, anybody...we don't have any right to judge Katrina nor Hayden (though he's really ughh!!) We don't have any right to judge anybody, only God can judge us. Let's act as matured individuals. Before we judge other people, reflect first. Nobody's perfect.

"I shall answer for my sins to God, not to small men like you!"

-Leonor, Recuerdo

Thanatopsis- a view of death

All I can hear at this moment is the monotonous sound of tumble bugs and mercenaries 2…

I want to scream, I want to inflict harm, I want to release this tension inside me, I want to torture someone, I want to cut myself, I want to kick someone, I want to stab someone, I want to kill, I want to blow someone’s head. What happened to me? What is this feeling? They said I’m still in the state of shock. They also said that I’m experiencing a trauma. But I know deep inside, I am ok. The only problem is, that horrible memory is trapped inside my system.

I was standing there, I was just standing there, doing nothing. I know it’s not my fault but a part of me still blames myself for just standing there. I mastered CQC for 3 years. I punched half a dozen men in the past, 3 of them went home with a broken nose. I slapped 2 girls before, I scratched my best friend’s face in the past leaving a permanent mark on it, I paddled a guy before, I was the youngest and the only girl member of bikers society and I was even the leader of Wheelers before. But, I just stood there.

I let him slap my mom THREE TIMES, I let him draw his knife and point it to her. I was standing there, like a stupid dummy while he was trying to kill her.

What happened to me?

I am ashamed of myself. I don’t deserve respect from my gang mates. I don’t deserve the title “ASTIG”, “Gabriela Silang” and “SIGA” and I don’t deserve respect from society.

I am a coward…

I am nothing…

I am just a piece of shit…

I am a trash…

I won’t forget that face. I have this vivid memory of his face in my mind. A guy wearing an orange shirt, I never really like orange, actually I hate orange, I despise orange.

I love knives, I want to collect knives and swords. But after that incident, I don’t want to see knives anymore.

If they catch him, I think 10 thousand is enough for him. That’s the good side of corruption.
I will tie him up, and I will cut his skin with a blade and then I’ll pour alcohol. Then I’ll put iodized salt on his wounds. I want to hear him scream. I want to beat him, I want to kill him slowly.

But I can’t…

Even though he’s a thief, he is still God’s son…

Revenge is not the answer…

I know, God is not blind, GOD is not blind, God is not Blind, GOD IS NOT BLIND, GOD IS NOT BLIND…